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The marriage ceremony is one of the most interesting spectacles in human life. It is also one of the most misunderstood. When two rational creatures come together voluntarily and bind themselves to each other in a bond of trust and perpetual friendship. Marriage should not be entered blindly, and without long and proper consideration. It requires deep and careful study.

In a persons life span, there are stages that must be followed one can have a successful marriage. These steps include:

Love.

Love is the beginning of any relationship that leads to marriage. Two people must be in love before they decide to get married otherwise the marriage is doomed to fail.

Courtship.

The object of courtship is not fun and games, nor for pleasurable delights. Its purpose is for selecting a mate you would like to spend a lifetime with, someone you must be able to bear up under, enjoy and satisfaction with in a lifelong pursuit called marriage.

This is the time of knowing someone well before settling down together as a husband and a wife.

Marriage.

This is a lifelong commitment to one another. It is a very sensitive issue and it should be handled with the seriousness it calls for. Many marriages do not last long because of unresolved conflicts.

2.0 CAUSES OF CONFLICTS IN MARRIAGES

1. Money- most couples argue over bills, debts, spending and other financial issues.

2. Kids- discipline, diet and other parenting issues can be sources of disagreement between couples.

3. Sex- frequency, quantity, quality, and infidelity are all sources of disagreement and disharmony.

4. Schedules- time apart and lack of quality time together serves to get people out of harmony.

5. Chores- many couples argue over equitable distribution of housework, and how to do it.

6. Friends- not all friends are helpful to a relationship. Some of them are poisonous.

7. Habits- many people are married to someone who has one or more habits they find undesirable.

8. Family-in-laws, siblings, children and step-children can all create stress within a marriage.

9. Expectations- judgements and unmet expectations are a major source of conflict in marriages.

10. Personal conflicts-if you don’t like something about your partner, one of you must change.

2.0 TIPS FOR A LONG LASTING MARRIAGE.

1. Continue to build intimacy both sexually and emotionally throughout your       marriage.

For a long lasting marriage relationship the couple needs to work at making sure    there is intimacy in their marital relationship. Intimacy in marriage involves more than just having good sex. Intimacy is achieved when the two can share their thoughts, opinions, and feelings with one another.

Marital intimacy is also strengthened when the two spend time as a couple, having fun together and surprising one another.

  1. Create passion for life for one another.

Many men chase their women because they need renewal and new things. “Kosher Sex” teaches that a man can do that through renewing himself through a deeper relationship with his wife.

  1. Forgive one another. Do not hang on to past baggage. Be ready to let go and to move on with life.

Being able to forgive and to let go past hurts is a critical part in marriage relationship. Additionally, being able to forgive is a way to keep your self healthy both emotionally and physically. If you hold to past hurts, disappointments, petty annoyance, betrayals, insensitivity, and anger, you are wasting both your time and energy. Nursing a perceived hurt can eventually make it in to something more- hate and extreme bitterness.

  1. Continue to be committed to each other and celebrate your sense of commitment. When you celebrate anniversaries, it renews commitment to each other.
  2. Like one another and be friends with each other.

For marital friendship to be successful, your friendship needs to go beyond selfish love. You simply cannot play the “I’ll give if you give” game. To be willing to lay down ones life is to let go of game playing in your marriage and to be willing to give even if you are not being given.

  1. Have fun together, laugh together and use humour in healthy ways.

It is good to have balance in a marriage relationship when it comes to humour and joking. Without the realization that humour and joking can create pain, you could hurt your spouse and your marriage.

  1. Comfort, encourage and affirm one another.

Make sure you compliment your spouse at least once every day. Look for things you can comment on that you have not mentioned before. When you give sincere encouragement and compliments to your spouse, several things are accomplished.

    • Your spouse’s self confidence is increased.
    • Your own self worth is increased.
    • The friendship between the two of you is strengthened.
  1. It is important that you compliments are sincere and honest. When they are not, your comments turn into flattery which is untrue and insincere praise. Flattery is usually perceived with negativity and is often perceived as being manipulative.
  2. Be able to stand on you own feet as a couple and not be dependent either financially or emotionally on either of your parents.
  3. Respect one another’s need for privacy.

Being honest to each other does not mean you must share every single thought, dream, fear or fantasy with your spouse. Honesty maybe a double-edged sword in your marriage. Knowing what to share and what not to share is an important communication skill for couples to learn and use in their marriage. If you do not honour the sense of privacy, both emotionally and physically, for your self and your spouse, you limit your intimacy with one another. You can not be intimate with your mate without being in touch with the inner most parts of yourself.

  1. Parent together.

When it comes to bringing up children, both parents should take part. The children need both parents. This task should not be left to one person.

  1. Deal with crisis and adversity together.

Some marriages are strengthened by a crisis or a disaster, but other couples will find that their marriages will be destroyed.

  1. Fight fair.

Every marriage relationship will have marital conflict and hostility during difficult times. Learning how to handle these problems, knowing when to seek a therapist help and being able to forgive are some of the keys to making matrimony successful.

  1. Accept your differences and do not try to change your spouse.

Face it. We are not attracted one another by what we like or eat which movie we like best. Many times our differences bring us together. You cannot change your spouse. The only person you can change is yourself.

  1. Keep romance alive in your marriage.

Do not kill the romance in the marriage. It has a way of bring two people closer.

CONCLUSION.

From the above, it is clear that in marriages there are many conflicts. The most important thing is the way to deal with them. This will determine whether the marriage will last for long or not.

The way couples resolve conflicts determines to great extent the survival of any marriage. Conflicts are caused by many factors and they can either be prevented or be dealt with properly when they arise.

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